Perception Shift

 

This painting is a failure. 

Yes, you read that right, I painted this sunrise in 2009, it was the view from our house in Taos Canyon looking towards the east, I used to love to watch the sunrise colors shine through the branches of a group of juniper trees and one young ponderosa pine. 

I remember struggling with this painting for a long, long time. My sunset colors were too bright at first, I toned them down, but I couldn't get them to blend how I wanted, purple and yellow made an awful muddy color where they met in the sky, I couldn't get the dark color for the trees to be less transparent, plus the clouds looked just awful to me. I finally reached a point where I declared it “finished enough," put it away and decided painting sunrise/sunset landscapes was just not for me.

15 years later...

Imagine my surprise when I pulled it out of the cardboard box it was stored in last week and realized, it’s not as bad as I remembered, I had actually captured the look of those sunrises from that particular place and time!

What in the world was wrong with my perception that I thought this painting was such a failure?

If I remember correctly, I think I was too invested in making it look exactly like the photo. I had the idea that if I followed the colors in a photo precisely, my painting would be successful, I couldn't fail, and I was truly disappointed that I couldn't get the clouds or the colors to express the joy I felt on those mornings.

The irony is that this spring I finally made a little sunset painting that I absolutely love. I was taking a class on painting light taught by Jed Dorsey, and instead of following the reference photo for the class assignment exactly, I combined his color strategy and my own memories of Greece.

 

The sunset colors are kind of over-the-top bright, but I love them, as well as the whole glowing rocky shoreline moodiness of the painting. I didn't think I had sunset painting capability in me, but there it is!

This was truly a lesson learned, I think being so obsessed with perfection clouded my judgement, I couldn't see clearly what I had done right! I also never imagined that letting go of the strategy to copy colors exactly would give me more of what I was looking for.

Let go of the fear of doing it wrong, and trust more -

Happy Creating!

>^-^<

Tina

Why Crocus in July?

I had great plans this spring, I was going to paint and post flowers that inspired me as they bloomed in my garden, beginning with some lavender crocus that bloomed on Easter morning.

 I set out with brushes in hand and a new book to inspire me, "How to Paint fast and loose and bold" by Patti Mollica, determined to get my art process loosened up and faster so I could keep up with my flowers.

April 9, 2023- Easter morning awakens.

I started off okay with a clever type of value study I learned from Patti's book. Look at each line horizontally and notice how the same color looks so different on each different grey background. A color can shout out "here I am" and then almost disappear depending on the background behind it.

 

Background color sets the mood!

 

I painted a couple of small color studies to test out my color choices. Note the May 13th date on the left hand page, I'm all set to go for finishing a painting for my May blog post. 

Then I decided on a last minute whim to go visit family on Memorial Day weekend and ended up with a surprise, an extreme allergic reaction to what the doctor thinks were 6 mosquito bites, seriously?!? Whatever it was, I did not feel well for over two weeks, I felt fatigued and my balance was off.

 

Testing, testing, testing!!

 

Now it's June and I'm feeling mostly better. My plan on this painting was to follow Patti Mollica's advice and try to use more paint and fewer brush strokes, really think about how I'm going to be efficient and not overwork the paint. Here I go, all on the same day...

 

Background wash, one brush!

 

Darkest value defines the light.

Bring on those green leaves!

All dressed up in lavender.

  

Boom, layer after layer going on, valiantly resisting the urge to touch up any of the brush strokes and then my painting time is up that day. 

We had made plans to go camping for two nights, something we haven't done in years. We have a grand time getting there, camp site is great, all is going pretty well until evening and then I don't feel well, I feel so dizzy. I can't sleep all night, the next day we hike a little but I am getting worse. We go home and I try to figure this out, I've had these attacks before, and I try all the things, but this just wants to hang on and on and on! 

No painting happening, I don't have the energy or focus for it. June passes by and now it's July before I finally feel up to figuring this painting puzzle out.

 

Orange completes the look!

 

 I wasn't certain how I was even going to finish this painting, I felt so discouraged about all the set backs and then I didn't really like how it was looking! I couldn't quite put my finger on what was bothering me, all the brush work looked pretty good and the values are right, I think... then I compared it to my photo and realized the foreground is a bit too bright for the flowers to really stand out, so I broke the "fast and loose" ideals and painted over the foreground again to darken it.

 

No shining stars without the dark.

 

What a journey, and I still can't decide if I like this painting or not, the brushwork in the foreground isn't as nice and the crocus look too stiff and heavy to me. At least I learned some new techniques and it is done. I don't like to leave paintings half done because they haunt me, seriously, they do!

 Happy Creating and Persevering...

(Sometimes creating involves not giving up, even when you want to.)

 >^-^<

Tina 

p.s. I am feeling better, not 100 percent, but better. Possibly some sort of virus messing with my inner ear and taking it's sweet time to heal. Thanks for reading! 

Transformation

 

Transformation

I've had in mind for several years now to make a poinsettia painting to hang up for the holiday season, the last week of December I finally decided to give it a try. I have a favorite photo of mine from January 2013, the winter we spent in Dresden, Germany. Yes, that is my suitcase in the photo.

Brilliant color lingering on... January 26, 2013

 

I chose a 20x20 inch canvas and several days later I had a pretty good painting, but I wasn't happy with the shadow color behind the poinsettia. I had tried various color mixes, but the result kept feeling so drab and flat, it really bothered me.

"After Party"

I was so annoyed that I used some flat white gesso and just covered up all that grey. It looked better to me but I didn't want to leave bare gesso like that, plus I didn't like that I couldn't solve this problem!

 

"After Party in White"

 

Looking for ideas, I watched some acrylic painting videos on YouTube. I finally found inspiration from the artist Ali Kay, she always makes a vivid underpainting in a complementary color, so I decided to give her strategy a try...

"After Party on Fire"

 

 Wowza! Very fiery, but I was pleased that my overall design still looked good even in orange.

"After Party in Purple"

 

I really liked how the purple grey I painted the background was warmed by that intense orange underneath. Plus, I left the brush strokes more visible to add some lively energy to the scene.  I liked the warmth so much, I thought I would try some more!

"After Party - Awkward Moment!"

Yikes! This was a very unappealing step and I moved on as quickly as I could from this seriously awkward stage.

 

"After Party in Progress"

  

This time, I'm not certain the orange changed the blue table that much and I felt a bit discouraged that I had wasted my time! 

After a break, I reminded myself that while repainting the table I had reshaped the bottom leaves and by adding more of the bright green where the sun light was bouncing off the leaves it improved the illusion of depth.

The painting isn't quite done yet, but I wanted to share how learning from other artists and taking a creative risk can get you unstuck on a project.

Happy creating!

>^-^<

Tina

Ali Kay's wonderful "Holiday Lights" paint along video. This is the first painting video I watched of hers that inspired me to try a different solution to my painting problem. Thanks Ali Kay!

Remember the Pink Tulip

Miniature painting - acrylic on paper.

 

Back in spring of 2019 we bought one of those cute potted tulips at the grocery store. Since I have had pretty good luck saving bulbs from previous spring planters, I looked forward to adding these pretty pinky-purple tulips into my garden.

April 2019

After the greenery died back, I carefully tucked the bulbs in a mesh bag and boxed them up to rest in a cool dark space until fall.

I was really disappointed months later to find all the bulbs had withered away except two, and one of those didn't look too healthy. I went ahead and planted that one bulb in my garden wondering if it would even survive. 

The next spring, I was glad to see it shoot up some green leaves but then I was disappointed because no bloom appeared and last year I forgot to even look for it!  The daffodils I had planted nearby had doubled in number and I think that is why I never saw it. 

This spring I was taking photos of those same daffodils and surprise, I was beyond delighted to find that little tulip had finally sent up a bloom!

March 28, 2022

 

This little flower made my day and reminded me of something very important. 

March 29, 2022

 

Sometimes it seems like all the effort I am putting into learning how to do this art marketing feels overwhelming. It takes effort to set up new habits, new online strategies and I feel like I am barely making any progress. 

March 30, 2022

 

I decided that when I find myself feeling down about how slowly I am accomplishing my plans, I'm going to remind myself to "remember the pink tulip." 

It didn't look like anything was happening for years, but obviously there was a lot going on under the surface. It simply takes time and continued effort to grow anything worthwhile.

March 30, 2022 - 15 minutes later.

This little lovely was worth the wait.

Happy Creating!

>^-^<

Tina

Unmotivated?

"Hide and Seek" 11" x 14" acrylic on 140lb. paper ©2016

Do you ever feel completely unmotivated? Do you feel like I did all summer, i.e. depressed and uncertain why I felt the way I did. Disappointed in yourself, and wondering why it's just easier to give up trying to do that one "creative thing" whatever it is, that you committed to do, (i.e. painting and posting regularly on your blog) but you find yourself using your spare time to watch a movie or read a book?

Do you recognize beneath that awful "stuck" feeling that you may be really discouraged and why?

Just for fun I put "why am I unmotivated" in the Google search box and eureka, among the sludge and nonsense, I struck gold.  An article by child therapist Kenneth Barish Ph.D. titled "Understanding your child's lack of motivation and effort." Here's the link to the article...

I know, I know, most of us are not kids, but what Dr. Barish had to say made sense to both my adult self and to my inner-kid-that-was. What resonated with me was this reminder that I am summarizing here in my own words...

Basically we all want to do well and feel successful when we pursue our goals, but if we can't seem to find a way to get the results we hoped for, it can lead to feeling deeply frustrated and  unmotivated to keep trying.

This simple equation said it all for me:

Motivation = having a goal + feeling that we can achieve it.

My goal...

I started this blog in hopes that I would document my path to a successful art career. I thought perhaps I could help others on the way with encouragement and sharing what I learned about creative anxiety.

+ Lack of achievement...

I had four years to try and learn how to create and run an art business and I didn't figure out how to make steady money from making art, so...

I thought I could handle a simple part-time barista job and keep up with the same level of creating art, blogging about it and building a business, but...

the reality was:
+ I was really exhausted mentally and physically when I got home from that job, especially for the first couple of months.
+ I was struggling with feelings of being a failure. What could I possibly share that would help anyone else, I certainly wasn't being successful in what I set out to do!
+ I was trying to make my first video of how I create my paintings and I found myself overwhelmed by the editing phase. I didn't have the video ready that I wanted to post, so I didn't post at all!

= Zero motivation   Stuck.

The beauty of that little equation is that it gave me a clue on how to reconsider my problem.

+Time for a goal reset.

+Time to adjust to what I can realistically achieve in the situation I am in now.

+Time to let go of complex plans and simply share what I have learned.

If you have found yourself stuck and giving yourself "lectures" for being lazy, perhaps this little reminder equation will help you too!

>^-^<
Tina

Why the title "Hide and Seek"? Underneath that sweet cat is a first painting of white orchids done from memory that I absolutely hated. I didn't even take a picture of it, but I did decide to paint over it and try again, this time with a plan in mind. I'm glad I did.

Testing colors

Final Palette

Final drawing and painting in progress.

  Trying again = Success!

The Story of the Orchids

Dresden Window 3

Back in the fall of 2011, one of the several mysterious things we found in the apartment we rented our first month in Munich was a thirsty little potted plant with large green oval leaves. I wasn't sure what it was, but missing all the plants I had recently I given away, I was happy to water it and make certain it got some sunshine everyday. We knew that the girl who had rented the apartment before us had left in a hurry, not bothering to clean up at all and apparently abandoning this little plant to it's fate. You can see it on the windowsill on the right.

Würzerstrasse apt., Munich 2011

The mystery of what kind of plant it was cleared up quickly when we started walking around the neighborhood and I noticed similar ones on several window sills. The difference being that many of those oval-leaved plants had beautiful blooms of white, pink, lavender and yellow. An orchid! I had always wanted to try growing an orchid, but I never expected to find them in Germany of all places, and in abundance too. When we went to the grocery store, we found them available to buy in every size and color. 

As I cared for the little orchid, I was delighted when it started to send out new flowering shoots, I felt quite guilty when I also had to leave it behind when we moved! I hoped that the new apartment owners would think it worth caring for since it was growing and healthy now.

Fast forward to August 2015. We were in Germany again, living in the city of Dresden this time and hoping to find work as English as a Second Language (ESL) teachers. Another window full of orchids in our neighborhood got my attention and I made certain to take more pictures this time.

White orchids in Dresden

Entrance to Öderaner Strasse

The neighborhood we were living in was in a section of town that had been a thriving community in the 1900's but had been bombed extensively in 1945. Now these classic buildings were being rediscovered for their desirable location close to downtown and getting a second life as they were being updated to modern apartments. Compare the graffiti covered building above at the entrance of Öderaner Street that hasn't been restored yet, to this building on the far end of the same street.

Restored apartment building, Örderaner Strasse

The work crews were busy fixing it up and there was a huge billboard nearby advertising the renovated apartments to rent.

Abrupt ending

This abrupt end of the building is where a bomb went right through the original apartment complex.

Lovely corner building, Saxoniastrasse

More apartments on Saxoniastrasse, the street we were living on that intersected with Öderaner. You can see the banner signs advertising the new apartments in this building.

There is something about those orchids that has been sticking in my mind since we came back to the USA. First of all, I think they would make some beautiful oil paintings when I get a chance to set up and paint with oils again. With the transient life we have been living, so far seven different places in four months, plus having my computer die with all my original photo resources unavailable, it's been a challenge. 

                                                          
Second, the orchids are connected in my mind with Germany, especially Dresden. A beautifully unique city that was mostly destroyed in 1945, and yet the people who survived were so determined to move forward, they pulled bricks from the rubble and started to build again. The re-birth of that city is an inspiration to me, like the little abandoned orchid setting out new growth. We have also been essentially starting over, no house to return to, no hoped for job offer, dealing with all the things that didn't work-out how we planned, trying to find our new direction to grow in. I admit, it's been a serious struggle for me not to focus on feeling discouraged and frustrated. We are so grateful for the friends and family who have provided places for us to stay, giving us their bit of "water and sunshine" to keep us going. 

Sketch, minimalist style

In January, I was able to replace my computer that died in December, I decided instead of painting I would do some sketching and make some digital art.

White orchids with pink outline sketch

 I could at least try out some ideas that could lead to a painting later. I really liked this digital piece, Dresden Window 1.

Dresden Window 1

Dresden Window 4

I liked it so much that for February, I created a card based on the original to share. Dresden Window 4 greeting card (click link to go to FineArtAmerica)

Figuring out what I could create and share instead of focusing on what I couldn't really helped my state of mind. Like the little orchid, I could encourage my creative side to keep sending out a few green shoots, even if my situation isn't ideal at the moment.

I definitely recommend this strategy if you are feeling discouraged about what you can accomplish too. Consider the story of the orchids and figure out how to keep making some new green growth, no matter how small. 

Bloom where you are transplanted.

 >^-^< Tina