|"Tape Loop" digital art ©2015|
July, 2013-I'm standing in my parents bedroom taking pictures after Mom's death. Dad died the year before. I have to leave to travel far away soon and I know that everything will be changed. I am taking pictures because I know it will never be the same. I am thinking of how we leave a record of ourselves, even in where we choose to leave our “stuff”. Mom always hated letting go of things and it shows. But I don't care. It's a part of a record of her, and it will soon be gone. Her plants, Her cluttered dresser tops. Dad's spare change jar, his collection of missionary name tags.
I can hardly stand to think about it. This room has been my place of refuge since I was a little girl and I used to climb in bed with them when I had nightmares. I used to watch for their car headlights from their bedroom window. Waiting for them to come home from a rare evening out together. Waiting for that one car to turn down our long lane. I would go to their room to talk to them when I came in late from high school activities. When at age sixteen, I got my first driving ticket, I came to them in tears. In college, I would come to kiss them goodnight. My room was nearby and I could hear their low muffled voices at night, making me feel so safe as I drifted to sleep. In my middle age, I climbed in between them after they had each had strokes. Knowing then that daybreak wasn't going to take this bad dream away. No, I don't want to change anything. If everything stays the same, I can believe that they might still come home.
April 18th is their wedding anniversary.
Mom & Dad, this song is for you... and for all of us who have lost someone irreplaceable.
Tape Loop- click this link to hear the song on soundcloud
Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to face my anxiety and finish the songs.
Image, lyrics and music copyright 2014-15 Tina M Welter
all rights reserved.