Barriers

"Envy" 5"x 7" watercolor ©2014

Have you ever wanted something someone else had and then felt guilty for being envious?  I have.  I remember sitting in a church meeting and hearing a beautiful solo being sung and wishing I was up there singing it.  I have looked at beautiful pieces of art and wished I had created them.   The best piece of advice I ever heard was to notice that feeling and instead of being ashamed for feeling it, ask yourself "is this a key to what kind of creative things I want to do too?"

The next inevitable thought after that often is, "oh, I couldn't because....and next follows the inevitable list of why you can't.  All the barriers go up.  The trouble with these type of barriers is that some of they may be real and some of them are just illusions in our heads.  We also know deep down that doing something about what we really want involves work and facing the fear of being really awful at it.  It's easier to dream.

Here's an example of my goofiest barriers: Scarcity.  The paper/canvas is so nice, if I use it, I can't get more.  Anger.  How dare you suggest I can choose to use my time differently that what I am doing?  Home Runs. Expecting a perfect result the first time.  Time. Belief that I need a huge block of time to do something creative.   All of these excuses are illusions in my head that seem emotionally real.

My painting up there of my "Envy" cat is from a photo I took in Greece in 2008.  That year was a turning point for me.  That was the year I decided I was going to stop the excuses and take my desire to be an artist seriously.  My first oil painting in over 20 years, "Purple Glow", was really hard for me to complete, it took so long and I felt so discouraged.  I repainted it twice.  I did keep trying though, step by step learning something every time I painted and after six years, completing an oil painting is a much easier process for me.

That still leaves the singing, but I'll save that for another post.  So with the new year coming on, what is your one thing you really, really want to get better at?  If you don't know, what are you envious of other people doing?  What barriers stop you?  The "Envy" painting looks like the cat could be sitting at a window with glass, but she isn't, she is sitting behind a fence with open spaces she could easily jump through if she wanted.  Think about it.  

 To purchase a print of "Envy" click on this link to my Fine Art America site.
 

"Purple Glow" 8"x 6" oil on canvas ©2008

Do You Expect that Home Run...Everytime!

"Partridge in a Fir Tree" 3.5"x2.5" watercolor ©2014

In considering what has been one of the most frustrating "creativity killers" for me, I am reminded of a little mind game I often play.   Jeff calls this game "expecting the home run".  Meaning, I expect to perform perfectly and "hit that home run" the first time I try anything. Period.  Ok, maybe I'll give myself the second or third time, but dang it, if it isn't great by then, I get frustrated and feel like a complete failure.   Just as well admit I struck out and go enjoy some cracker-jack to soothe the nerves.   (Yes, popcorn is one of my favorite comfort snacks.)

It is so difficult emotionally to have my first efforts fall below what I can imagine in my mind.  The critic voices just line up inside my head, ready to pronounce their judgements, let alone all the internet trolls I can imagine.  It is enough to crush anyone starting or sharing anything.

Since images are a great way to tell stories and concepts in a compressed form, I designed the "Partridge in a Fir Tree" to remind myself what happens when I expect to grab that partridge way up there with one leap.  I can see that tree is going down in one tangled mess of cat and broken ornaments.  Oh yes,  I can also imagine the internal scolding for that mess!

I'm not saying that I should stop reaching for high goals, that is part of the fun of life, but I could let myself enjoy ringing the bell and tasting the cookie, which is absolutely within my reach, before I quietly work my way up the tree to get that beautiful bird.

Have you ever "jumped too high" trying to create or do something for the first time?   How do you deal with the feeling of failure or discouragement?  Was there easier "low-hanging" fruit, steps you might have tried first and enjoyed towards attaining your goal?  Perhaps you prefer the big crash, and the messiness doesn't bother you?  I hope to attain that type of non-attachment to results someday, but I'm not there yet. 

If this was helpful and you can you relate to it, let me know or share it with someone you know who is also addicted to "hitting the home run...every time!".   Thanks so much for coming along on the journey.

(By the way, this is the painting in step two after the sketch, in a tiny 3.5"x2.5" ATC, artist's trading card form.  I can see now where I need to adjust the colors for the final 5"x 7" larger painting.)

Is Your Best Ever Good Enough?

"A Partridge in a Fir Tree" 3.5"x2.5" graphite

The sweet, sweet taste of low hanging fruit.   Do you ever allow yourself to enjoy it?  Are you wondering what I am referring to here?  What I am talking about is the concept of choosing a "course of action that can be undertaken quickly and easily as part of a wider range of choices or solutions to a problem." (thanks dictionary.com) 

It seems sensible enough, look at what you want to accomplish and take the easiest steps.   I didn't really think I had a problem with this until I started looking at what has been really holding me back in setting up an on-line business and also in sharing my paintings and music.  I want everything to be perfect and the best before I share it with anyone.

For example, this little drawing.  I have had this concept in mind all week to share on my blog, but hadn't actually put pencil to paper to create it, because I didn't think the idea was good enough and I thought I didn't have enough of the right photos to work from.   Once I got started, I didn't end up hardly using any photos.  Secondly, I didn't manage to get it painted first before my Monday blog deadline came around.   I wasn't going to share, and then I thought "this is the whole doggone point!"

You may have noticed my sign up for a newsletter on the side of the blog.  I have decided this year I want to confess and share my creativity hang-ups with the you, in the hopes that I can face them better myself, be accountable and perhaps inspire you to do the same.  Even better, it would be nice to get feedback so we can inspire each other.  I can't be alone in this fear.

If you are interested, please sign up.  I don't spam or share e-mails, and you can always unsubscribe any time.  'Fraidy Cats, unite!

Finding the Perfect Gift...

"The Perfect Gift" 5"x 7" oil on gessobord ©2014 Tina M Welter

How much we sometimes scramble around, trying to find the "perfect gift"!  I think part of the fun and pressure of the season is the anticipation of surprise and delight we hope to give those we love.  

When I think of the delight of perfect gifts, I think of the movie the "A Christmas Story".   Young Ralphie spends the whole movie thinking his requests for his perfect gift - the Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and "this thing which tells time" - are not being heard or even worse, being dismissed.   Who hasn't experienced that intense combination of hope and uncertainty?

For me, it was a wish for an acoustic guitar when I was 17.   Being a teenager and shy, I don't recall being very direct about what I wanted, plus it was one of those things I had deemed "too expensive" to even ask for.   But like Ralphie, I was completely stunned when my Dad surprised me with the desired guitar on Christmas morning.  It was a second hand guitar, a bit worn, but I didn't care.  What filled my heart was knowing that Dad had heard what I wanted and did his best to make it happen.

Isn't that the key thing, the perfect gift is the feeling of having our wants and needs heard and noticed?  So my advice on finding the perfect gift is to really listen.  It may not be a "thing" at all, perhaps it is a wish for time spent together or an experience to share.   I hope I have given you something worth thinking about as well as a new painting image to enjoy.

Happy listening!  All my best wishes for a joyous season of giving and receiving.

Tina  

If you feel this little message is worthwhile, please feel free to use the links below to share, or tell me about your experience with receiving your perfect gift in the comments below, I would love to hear about your joy.

Click here if you would like to buy "The Perfect Gift" as a card or a print.

Meet Kirk...

"Kirk" 7"x 5" watercolor on paper ©2014

Say "hello" to Kirk, he is hoping with intensity for his supper to be ready.  Who could resist that face?  He looks pretty spry and full of energy, but he is 12 years old and having some health troubles.  My friend Evelyn commissioned me to paint Kirk for her brother's birthday.   She knows how much her brother and his wife enjoy Kirk as part of their lives and she wanted to do something special for them.

I was just delighted she felt confident to ask me.  It was fun to go and meet Kirk try to capture something of his personality with my photographs.  The intense work starts when I have to decide how to get that special "something" into a painting.   I do put a lot of pressure on myself to get it right, but it is worth it all when I get to read delighted responses like this...

"Thank you very much for the beautiful painting. Kirky’s eyes are so life-like. And you captured the expression on his face perfectly. This is exactly how he looks when he knows that something is cooking on the stove, but also wants to keep me in sight in case there is something tasty in my hand and he tries to look in both directions.

George says "thank you" too. He is delighted with his birthday present. We’ll get it framed this weekend according to your instructions."   ... that kind of review completely makes my day!

This was my first "pet-portrait" painted in New Zealand, I hope I will be able to do more in the future.  I really like creating something that means so much to other people.

Watercolor Versus Oil

"On the Rocks" 7"x 5" oil on gessobord © 2014

Watercolor versus oil paint.  Sometimes it's a challenge to decide which medium I want to use to paint a subject.  After painting so much with oils, it was a nice break to try the last three paintings in watercolor.  I was curious to see if the watercolor would be faster.  The result, the watercolor of this same seal and rocks was faster.  My "Farewell" seal took five and a half hours, this same baby seal in oils took me almost three times longer, a total of sixteen hours!  I was really surprised.  I have had other watercolor paintings take almost as long as an oil painting of the same size and subject.  I think I must have been "in the zone" with that first seal painting.

The next question is, which one do you like better? (Scroll down three posts to see the "Farewell" seal)  Team watercolor or team oil?  I like both of them for different reasons, but I do feel like my seal in the oil looks better to me.  What is your vote?  If you were buying one of them, which one would you choose? 

Morning Wash.

"Morning Wash" 7 x 5 watercolor © 2014

How lovely it is when you don't have to do all the gardening, but you get to enjoy all the benefits of seasonal flowers!  Our apartment in Dresden, Germany had the nicest yard with fruit trees and flowers.  Since it was located on a hillside, the yard sloped from the road above to the house, 38 steps down to the back door of the apartment.  Our landlords, the Sobotta's, called it the "fitness apartment".  It did get our heart rates up to carry groceries or luggage up or down all those steps!

I mention the hill because they had built a pretty three foot tall retaining wall of stone partway down.  I loved the red and rust brown colors of the stone.  This little cat loved it too, not for the color, but because the stones were warm in the morning, a perfect place for her daily face washing routine.  With the sun shining on her fur, she was having the best time.   I wanted to document this little moment of kitty joy.

"Morning Wash" at my Etsy shop

Up A Tree

"Up A Tree" 7"x 5" watercolor ©2014

This elusive black and white cat used to haunt the backyard of the apartment we rented in Dresden, Germany.  I loved to see her because she reminded me so much of the black & white cat that my parents had on their farm, her name is Silky.

Silky is a shy, temperamental stray that adopted my Dad.  He spent the time to get acquainted with her and she would often go on walks with him on the farm, complaining by meowing and sitting down if she thought he walked too far.  Dad often had some story about Silky's antics to share.  One of the most memorable is of he and Mom watching her hunt outside in the snow one winter and actually killing a pheasant.  Silky didn't seem to know what to do with it, so Dad went out and brought the poor dead bird in and prepared it for their own dinner.  Dad didn't like to keep animals in the house, but that didn't stop Silky from trying to convince Dad to let her in.  She would let them know it was time for her dinner every evening by standing up full length in the front window whenever she saw Dad in the living room.  He taught her to ride in the wheel barrow when he went to get wood for the wood stove and he even showed me how he got her to ride on the seat of the big swing he had put up in one of the trees for the grand kids.  Silky didn't seem too thrilled, but she did it for him.

Poor Silky was just as lost and confused as the rest of us when when Dad passed away so suddenly.  I'm so glad he shared with me his adventures with her, I'm glad to have those stories to remember.  He was so gentle with animals and people, I miss him so much.

I was sorry when the elusive black and white cat didn't visit our Dresden backyard anymore.   At least I did get this memorable moment of her peering up at us with her intense green eyes from her perch in the apple tree below.  I am reminded that it does us good to climb up and appreciate our surroundings everyday, right now.  Tomorrow can change everything.  Wise kitty.

 To purchase the original painting: "Up a Tree" at my Etsy shop

To purchase a print or card of "Up a Tree" click here.

Kaikoura Coast Inspiration

"Farewell" 7"x 5" watercolor ©2014

Part of our journey when we were traveling north from Christchurch to catch the ferry at Picton, involved driving along the Kaikoura coast.  It was a grey day, but the steep rocks on one side and the ocean on the other kept it quite interesting visually.

I don't remember if we saw the signs for seals or just saw the people gathered at one of the pull-offs at the side of the road, but we decided to stop and take a look too.  Looking down the steep embankment, we could see and hear mother seals and their pups on the rocks below.  So exciting!  I didn't know if I could get a good picture with a grey day and such a long distance, but I saw this young one looking up at us just before he turned to go down the rocks.

The look in that little seal's eyes captured me!  I knew if the picture was any good at all, I wanted it to be my first painting inspired by New Zealand.  Similar to how the swans captured my attention in Germany.  Since I had been painting so much in watercolor lately, I thought it would be interesting to try a watercolor painting before tried one with my oil paints.

This painting also gets the honor of being the first item I listed in my Etsy shop I just opened on-line.  Setting up an Etsy shop has been a goal for me for at least a year.  Thanks little seal for your inspiration!

My "farewell" baby seal turns to go.

"Farewell" at my Etsy shop

Thanks Again!

"In the Pink" 7"x 5" watercolor ©2014

One more post about the kind folks here in New Zealand.  Our landlady, Patsy, is next on the list.  After so many weeks of searching, we were so excited to finally move into our own apartment.  One of the things we definitely depend on is a good internet connection.  Everything seemed in order when we moved in, until we tried to sign up with an internet service provider.

One after another,  the different companies we chose sent their service people out here and couldn't locate the cable to hook us up!  Somewhere it was buried and possibly broken under a very long cement driveway. !!!  Patsy was so kind to let us come over and use her computer several times while we tried to figure out the puzzle.   She even shared with us "tea & biscuits" as they call it here.  Tenants before us had had internet and the apartment above us had internet, so there had to be a solution.

Patsy also lent us chairs when we needed extra ones and took us to the second hand shop to search for shelves for the used refrigerator we had recently bought.  She introduced us to some of her favorite places in the neighborhood like the local historic movie theater and the pie shop.

After several weeks, we finally found the one internet service provider that had a line to our apartment.  We were so relieved!  We were thinking we would have to move again if we couldn't sort this out.  This is why soon after I was back into the swing of painting I created a card for Patsy.

"Rose for Carol" 7"x 5" watercolor © 2009

You may have noticed a similarity to my "Rose for Carol" from 2009.  It is from the same photo in my files.  It is very fascinating to me to see how the same photo can evoke different interpretations of the same subject, that is why I sometimes paint the same subject over again.  I am also curious to see what I have learned over time.

Welcome Home

"A New Home" 7"x 5" watercolor ©2014

This week's post is another watercolor "thank you" card.  Yes, we have met some wonderful people here in New Zealand.

I mentioned last week the understanding of Paul and Gemma who we rented the room from while we were apartment hunting.   This week, it is their next door neighbor, Evelyn, that gets our thanks.

Due to all the stress, Jeff and I were having a rather heated discussion about why the oven wasn't cooking our pizza.  We were in the house alone at the time and didn't think anyone would hear us.  Of course, it really wasn't about the pizza, but that doesn't stop a good argument to blow off some general frustration.

Imagine our chagrin when we hear a gentle little knock at the kitchen door and a ladies voice asking "are you ok?...would you like some tomatoes & cucumbers for your lunch?"   Embarrassed, we opened the door and met Evelyn, who regularly does some yard work for her neighbors Paul & Gemma.

We introduced ourselves and apologized for being so loud.  She bravely invited us for dinner the next evening.  I'm not certain I would want to invite unknown people who had just been loudly arguing into my home!  We had a lovely dinner and met her husband and daughter.  Over the next few weeks, she introduced us to the wonderful Te Papa museum, took us for a drive up Mount Victoria, and then saved us a bunch of money and stress by helping us move all our luggage to our apartment.  What a gem!

The cat is Puggles, the family pet, and we happened to catch her napping at the house one afternoon.  I had Jeff get a snapshot of her on his iPod.  I thought she represented how we felt, we had finally found a box in New Zealand to call our home!

Queen of the Roost...

"Queen of the Roost" 7"x 5" watercolor c. 2014

We have finally arrived at the first painting I completed in New Zealand.  It was five months of unsettled life for us from Nov. 2013 to April 2014.  First, we attempted changing apartments in Dresden to try and save money in November.  Oh boy.  We packed everything up, moved, nearly froze, and then moved back to our original place.    In December, I did some sketching and rough paintings, but then we spent the whole month of January packing up again and getting ready to fly.  The middle of February, we ended up moving from the south island to the north island of New Zealand and then spent another month apartment hunting.

The couple we rented a room from in Wellington were so kind and understanding, especially when it was taking us so much longer to find an apartment than we planned. Our one week stay had turned into four. We agreed that we wanted to do something nice for them.  They had three mischievous little hens in their backyard who liked to get out of their pen and hide their eggs.  The big golden-red hen definitely caught my eye, what a beauty!  She seemed to think she was pretty special too. 

We moved into our apartment towards the end of March.  There is just something about having my own kitchen and a table I can work at that gets my mind back into the creative mode again.  After all that flying around, it feels so good to have a "roost" again!

Trouble Brewing...

"Trouble Brewing" 8"x 10" oil on "Gessobord" c. 2013

Hurrah, I am finally posting my last painting from 2013.   I chose to paint this trio of kittens for a couple of reasons.  One, they make me smile, and after the loss of my mother in July, it was so helpful to have these kittens to focus on.   Two, I relate to the black kitten.  The striped one is plotting mischief, but will get away with it, the orange kitten is clueless and just up for any type of fun, whether it leads to trouble or not.  The black kitten knows there is going to be trouble and she will probably be the one to get caught and blamed for it, yet part of her just can't resist seeing what will happen.  Curiosity.  It's not just for cats. 

It took a lot of time to finish this painting.  44 hours all together to be exact.   It takes more time to do three separate subjects and a complicated background, more than just one subject for a painting of this same size.   I thought I had learned this lesson when I did the Christmas manger scene with a kitten, see "Houseguest" from the Feb. 25, 2013 post "Second Christmas.  That one took 39 hours.  http://tinawelter.blogspot.co.nz/search/label/Christmas 

This is when I begin to tell myself I am ridiculous to think anyone will pay me enough for the real cost of my time for such a small painting.  I guess I can be happy that I am reasonably consistent in my painting time.  I can also learn to choose less complex subjects or paint larger.  Always lessons to be learned.  Who knows, maybe someone won't mind spending the money.
 

Only the Shadows Remain...

"Pfirschbaum" 11"x 8" watercolor on paper, c. 2013

I mentioned in an earlier blog post that I was going to give the "Royal Iris" painting to our kind landlords in Dresden, the Sobotta family.   Upon reflection, I decided the iris was my favorite flower and I wanted to paint something for them that was more representative of their tastes.   The artwork they had hanging in their home was more abstract than realistic.

In those fall evenings, Dresden has the loveliest shadows from the low, intense red sunsets.  One evening, I noticed the shadow patterns from the peach tree in the yard on the white concrete wall of the stairs just behind the trees.  Aha! Inspiration!  I ran for my camera.

I was a bit nervous since I had never attempted a painting quite like this before.  I chose watercolors because I wanted the softness of the shadows and I struggled a bit trying to get the layers of color not to have hard edges.  Plus, layering blue over peach created some brownish tones that were not exactly what I wanted.

"Pfirschbaum" (Peach Tree) framed

Framing the finished piece on a tight budget was another hurdle.  I re-purposed a gold frame I had been given by spray painting it blue and then hand painting over that with black acrylic.  I then added another final spray of varnish to protect the paint.  The blue underneath matches the blue in the painting, and is visible in the braid work around the frame, which is what I wanted.  Success!

This painting is a departure from what I usually do, the Sobottas were really happy with it, so that is the main thing.  I think I would like to try it again with oil paints, just to see if I would like it better.   Any thoughts or comments?

 

Remembering Cairo

"Cairo" 7"x 5" watercolor on "Aquabord" c. 2013

Several years ago, my niece Amy got this lovely kitten when she was first married and named him "Cairo".    When I first met him, I was impressed by his long-leanness and the distinctively beautiful dark patterns in his fur and around his eyes.  Over the years, Amy would mention that she would love a painting of Cairo and I suggested she try and photograph him relaxing in his favorite places and most important of all, where there was one good light source shining on him, preferably sunlight.

Why sunlight?  For me, it often makes all the difference in being able to see the true colors of what I am trying to paint, plus adds the wonderful shadows and highlights that give the illusion of three dimensions. 

Amy told me she had taken some photos, but being super busy, she didn't send them to me.  The years passed, then last fall I saw on her facebook page that her handsome Cairo had passed away and she had posted one of these photos.  It was perfect.  Cairo was relaxed, in one of his favorite locations, and the sun was lighting him up softly.   It is always hard to lose a favorite pet, and I was glad to be able to do something to comfort my dear niece.   

A Great Addition to My Favorite Flower...

"Royal Iris" 7"x 5" watercolor on "Aquabord" c. 2013

Last summer when we were living in Dresden, Germany, I was searching for a subject to use as a "thank you" painting for our excellent landlords, the Sobotta family.  After a year there, Jeff was finishing up his Master's degree and we knew that soon we would be looking towards our next move.

The Sobotta's yard usually had some charming seasonal flower blooming and I noticed this lovely royal purple irises.  I adore Irises.  I like the sparkle of their petals and and the complicated play of sun and shadow on them, plus all the variety of colors.  They always remind me of summer in Utah where I grew up.

I actually prefer painting flowers in watercolors, but one of my biggest complaints about watercolors in all the fuss it takes to frame them.  I had found a possible solution, a painting panel by Ampersand that is called "aquabord".  You can just varnish your watercolor like an oil painting, which means no mat-cutting and no glass!   I was itching to try it out.   The result is this little painting "Royal Iris".
 
I really liked the aquabord.  My favorite thing was that it was easy to lift color and re-do a section, something that can be really frustrating on paper.  I also think the colors seem more brilliant.  I am attaching a link to their site just in case anyone else has been looking for a similar solution.

http://www.ampersandart.com/aquabord.html

Hello Again...

Sunrise view from our apartment in New Zealand

I thought a little explanation might be in order since the date on the paintings of these next posts will be from last year.

It takes awhile to digest a heaping helping of change!  The death of my parents and moving from Germany to New Zealand really took a lot of my focus and energy.  Even at that, I certainly didn't think it would be six months before I would return to my blog.   You never know with life, I didn't expect it would take over 7 weeks to get internet to our apartment in New Zealand either!  

Recently, I was organizing my art files as suggested by Alyson B. Stanfield in her wonderful book "I'd rather be in the studio!" and I found my blog was such a helpful resource for me.  It also helped me remember why I started the blog in the first place and rekindled my desire to share my work with you again.   I do have four paintings that were completed last fall/winter of 2013 that I will post in order.

Thanks to all of you for you kind comments and encouragement.

Tina